March 6-One year, One day at a time – flavor

Have you ever noticed the flavor of day, you know like lime, a little fizzle, but to poured too long ago and now about to go flat.  Lime?  or maybe charcoal, a little bitter and on the peppery side, the kind of day that itches for something exciting to happen.  Thank kind of day.  Then there is the flavor of apple, juicy sweet with a tang that hits you right at the back of the throat, like the lie that lingers on the tip of the tongue , yet unspoken.

None of the latter describe the day I had today.  Gray, very gray to start. Oppressively gray, overcast as they say, heavy.  I did not want to get out of bed.  My body felt dense, lethargic, tamasic, immobilized by total inertia.  Really, I felt so incredibly grounded.  I never feel that connected to the earth.  Definitely an heretofore unknown experience.  So intently aware of each breath, each moment as it moved into the next.  I did not want to be disturbed.  Coffee helped, a little.  Writing definitely gave way to space and freedom from entombment.  Nothing like starting the day trying to get out of a sarcophagus.

Taught a private lesson at 8:30.  Good, I did a good job, felt satisfied by all elements of the class I taught.  On to the next private client.  It too went very well as did my 12:30 private lesson and the one I taught at 4:00 pm.  I am feeling deeply connected to my intuition, my knowledge and all the tools I have gathered along the way.  So much gratitude for all the  wonderful, giving, authentic teachers who have crossed my path.  Huh.  I just realized they all had one thing in common. Never really knew why or what it was that drew me to each one of my teachers, but now I do, integrity, self-knowledge, sacrifice and surrender.  Lou Hoyt, Felicity Green, Rodney Yee, Cyndi Lee, Rod Stryker and Roshi Joan Halifax all exemplify authenticity.

These are the men and women who taught me how to taste the flavor of my life.  Today’s flavor?  Dark chocolate whip with peppermint pieces and caramel chunks. blended into a creamy mocha frappe and topped with dried blueberries.  Oh Yeah.

Thank you too to my husband who out did himself making curried butternut squash soup and grilled steel head trout with New Orléans seasoning.  I am still savoring the bits that caught between my teeth, a delicious meal.

To bed or to read.   Not sure which.  Good night.

March 2-One Year, One Day at a Time – So Much

So much for which I have gratitude.  I taught a great workshop today.  Everything that I know came together and moved through me in a way I know helped the people who came.  Thank you Rod Stryker for all the knowledge you have shared with me and in particular for The Four Desires.  I was able to take 19 people through a mini version of the book helping them to find out their dharma code, vikalpa and sankalpa.  We did yoga nidra to plant the seeds of the sankalpa and I sent them on their way with the maha mritrynjaya mantras as another tool to put in their tool boxes.  What a rewarding experience.  I hope I helped my students learn more about themselves and their destiny.

Jimmy cooked a great pot of chili, roasted asparagus and I made gluten-free cornbread.

We had a wonderful meal.   So grateful because tomorrow I will be fasting in preparation for a colonoscopy at 8:00 am Tuesday morning.   Never had one of these before.   Cannot say that I am excited about not eating for 24 hours or about having to drink a gallon of whatever it is to clean me out or for being idle on Tuesday while I recover.  Hopefully there will be no surprises.

Jimmy is watching the Oscars.

For some reason I am not interested.  We have been watching House of Cards, the Netflix original series with Kevin Spacey.  What a remarkable show.  I would watch another episode of that but think I will pass on the Oscars.  Who cares?

Hopefully the rain which is now falling will not, as predicted, turn into sleet, ice and then snow.  I really want to have my day with Amelia tomorrow.  Time will tell.  So much for today.  Life is good.

Thy Will Be Done

Sitting, writing my morning pages at 6 am.  Thy will be done.  I love writing those 4 words.  thy will be done.  As I have worked through the chapters of The Artist Way, I have returned to a faith in The Divine.  What do I want to write about today? It has been so much fun to live an inspired life, to write every day, and to watch the words spill out onto the page.  I spent years wanting to do exactly what I am doing today.  Now that my time has come, I ask God daily to use me for the highest good of all.

I read recently that Flannery O’Conner prayed to be a channel for God, to write and to be read.   She humbly asked for guidance.  She asked God to help her publish her work.  I vividly remember the first time I read one of her works, The Artificial Nigger. The realism of her writing stunned me.  She faced the racial issues of her time head on.  She was a Southern who dared to speak out against racial prejudice.  She published multiple books and short stories and was widely read.  I would say her prayers were answered.  O’Connor completed more than two dozen short stories and two novels while battling lupus. She died on August 3, 1964, at the age of 39, of complications from the disease.  She never married.I asked God today to help me keep writing, to work and keep working until I publish something anything and then to keep writing and publish more.  I believe that it is my destiny to tell my story, but I know that if I am wrong, the work I am doing now will guide me in the direction I need to go.  Today, I know I must write if I am to fulfill my purpose here on earth.  I still have no idea where all this writing will take me, but I have faith that it is the road I must now travel.  I know that my story is your story, a story of heart ache, disappointment, rejection, and struggle.  But it is also a story of hope, redemption, healing, transformation, love, desire and blessings beyond measure.

In his book, To Bless the Space Between Us, John O’Donohue repeatedly mentions new beginnings and thresholds of change.  “Nothing is rushed,” he says.  “Change arrives in nature when the time has ripened.”  I feel myself ripening, coming into fruition, trusting my desire to write, to be a public speaker, and to tell my story so that others can tell theirs.

When my husband and I attended, Yogarupa Rod Stryker’s Yoga of Fulfillment (now called The Four Desires) Workshop, we learned about Dharma Code.  Yogarupa said, “Each one of us is a note in the symphony of creation – if we don’t play that note, the music isn’t completely clear” – and this is why we all need to discover our purpose, and live our dharma code.”  More recently he said this, “Your soul is boundlessly impassioned and always ready to impart you whatever you need to thrive.”  I believe this to be true.  I have experienced this boundlessness.  I know if I ask for what I need and I align myself with my highest purpose, I will succeed.

John O’Donohue writes, “To change is one of the greatest dreams of every heart – to change the limitations, the sameness, the banality, or the pain.  It demands courage and a sense of trust in whatever is emerging.”   We must believe that somehow life needed us and wanted us to be.  To accept that we are needed is to be free of fear.  I accept.  Thy will be done.