“Being true to who we are means carrying our spirit like a candle in the center of our darkness.” – unknown
We must stay committed to our inner path. I started yoga in 1985 because I was lost. I had no path. Married with two children, I was fumbling in the darkness without a light. I needed help. I had no tether, no hub in the wheel of my life, no place to call home. Yes, I had a house, a husband, a job, all the trappings of a life well-lived. But I was aimless. I wandered from drink to drink, cigarette to cigarette, party to party, man to man, job to job, running as fast as a I could to find something, anything to grab onto. I did not realize I was running away from myself. The tougher things got, the more confused I became, the faster I ran. I ran to AA where I managed to put together ten years of sobriety, but I was still lost. I was separate from myself. I saw myself as a project, a person who needed remodeling, a make-over, a face-lift, a personality-ectomy as I refer to it now. What I needed was a commitment, a vow to love myself, as a partner, in sickness and health, til death do us part.
“It is interesting that the nautical definition of marry us ‘to join two ropes end to end by interweaving their strands.'” – Mark Nepo
I married others but never myself. I never intended to weave a life tapestry that included me. I wanted to be someone else. l did not understand that to be whole I had to accept my faults and limitations. I wanted no part of them. I did not know that I could love myself no matter what others thought of me. I saw myself only through the eyes of others, their judgements, their value systems. Today I know that I must treat myself with the same compassion I treat my husband and my marriage. I am learning to cherish my inner radiance. Even when I feel bruised and battered, I manage to practice self-love. I know my soul embodies truth, my truth. So, I married my soul. Isn’t that cool?
“Not too tight. Not too loose.” This Buddhist aphorism guides me home again and again. I am not spirit alone. I am life. I have a heart and a mind that work together. My doubt and my anxiety are inextricably intertwined with my faith and hope. Yoga is the union of opposites, the tying together of all the ropes of duality to make a strand that is twice as strong as any one thing which stands alone in opposition to another. We are all in this together. Gather the parts of yourself together. Have a meeting. Join hands.
“To reach Accord, just say, “Not Two.” — Seng-ts’an
Writing into the Light 