Came to Believe

Posted on August 6, 2017 by Sarla Nichols

Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Sane, soul , soulful, sound mind and body, spirit, immortal – words sprawled on a page, but to what end? Is it not the meaning we attach to a word that gives it power? For instance, catastrophe. I often hear this word in reference to the events of the past year. Whether they be political or personal, labeling any event as catastrophic pretty much seals the deal. Once so labeled, there is little or no room for possibility. Take the definition of catastrophe, a disaster, a calamitous event, especially one occurring suddenly and causing great loss of life, damage, or hardship and lay it over a life event, any life event like the loss of a loved one, a divorce, a diagnosis, a betrayal, an apparent failure and so on and what is left? Bereavement, sorrow, irreconcilable resentment and anger, depression, insurmountable grief, and possibly utter and irreparable despair, (the complete loss or absence of hope.) What is life without hope? How can there be meaning without trust, without destiny, without the Soul? I believe that our sole purpose to is discover The Soul our unique blueprint which was to us given at our conception and lies in wait for us to discover it, choose it and live it into eternity. I find that words like disaster, sanity, catastrophe, and the like impede our Soul’s journey by denying limitless possibilities

I tried for years to adhere to the definition of sanity, (the ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner; sound mental health), with little success. I know now that I am not normal (conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected) nor do I wanted to be labeled as such. I am supernormal, exceptional as are you and you and you. We each have within us the power to choose our destinies. This power is the extension of the soul and is not preoccupied with form. On the contrary its sole purpose is to give us the courage we need to discover our deepest selves. The soul accompanied by its innate power is not interested in making people comfortable. “The soul is who you are in God and who God is in you. We do not make or create our souls. We only awaken them, allow them, and live out of their deepest messages.” (Richard Rohr)

I heard my soul’s voice loud and clear _ “Stop chemo. It is killing me.” I did as I was told. Does this make me sane? Who cares. Certainly not me. I am more concerned with adhering to the urgings of my deepest self than I am to the meanderings of my wayward analytical mind which makes sensible decisions based on available information. You know like protocol, statistics, studies, percentages, and cold, hard facts. 3a4e7b30d4b6fc019f414a55e331536b

So to paraphrase, I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to luminosity and depth of seeing, to the “light.” May I welcome life on life’s terms and not deny “the wonderful underlying mystery that is everywhere, all the time.” (from Breathing Underwater). Every life event is a call to believe in a power greater than ourselves, to believe in the possibility of miracles, to believe that healing is the byproduct of loving self and others unconditionally.

Thus I came to believe that there are no disaters, no catastophes, no failures, only limitless possiblities to heal. By healing, I mean cultivating the capacity to live out of the clear, simple and uncluttered presence for it is in the present that we encounter The Presence, whether we call it God or not, matters little. What does mattter is whether or not we can learn to let life come to us trusting that God in us, our Soul, has called us, and that God, i.e. The Soul is incapable of failure.

haunted

Posted on August 5, 2017 by Sarla Nichols

Convalescing – to recover one’s health and strength over a period of time after an illness or operation. this verb assumes there was health and strength prior to the illness or operation, but what it that were not the case. What if said patient had spent a lifetime undermining her body’s ability to be healthy, drinking, smoking, provoking depression by brooding on the past? What then? Would not convalescing then be the discovery of health an strength, the creation of a new life, one that does not deny prior difficulties but which instead uses them to bolster the desire to live more fully now.

If I am no longer haunted by the past can I now risk living in the unknown, in a life free of fear and resentment, while waiting for the new me to emerge? What will I do? How will I think now that I have stopped running away? Seems that every moment of my life, prior to the onset of the disease that has ruled these past 12 months, was pregnant with waiting and wanting…wanting a different life…waiting for the life I had been living to end, perhaps even in death. What now? Now that I want more than anything to live. What does this future hold? Que sera, sera?

At least we know there has been an end to one haunting. I am no longer nor will I ever again be pursued by my past. Now I must learn to release ghosts that hold me hostage to a disease I will never again have. I release my diagnosis, my doctors, my treatments, my diagnostic tests, the operations, the weeks of recovery, the time away from work, apart from the world, and the time spent in fear of dying. I now claim my life, going forward with an intention to live fully no matter what the risk, to live into not away from the new life I have been given.

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