Treatment

stay clean and sober;

eat no meat, only lean; cow

jumped over the moon

conundrum

how does this play out

abstinence, moderation?

40 days and nights

 

social lubricant

on the rocks please; no

dirty; straight up with a twist;  

howling at the moon

cycling with post radiation fatigue

hot head wind pushes

my heavy limbs, urging me

to move slow and steady

riding the waves – no clear picture

florida cloudy,

windy, 100 percent chance of

rain.  still, clear inside

 

wandering quietly

heart responds to every move

my family makes

 

sitting idly alone

wind whipping tropical trees

vicissitudes abound

 

writing set aside

in lieu of time relaxing

emptiness expands

 

profound contentment

accompanies way ward thoughts

wind and waves vary

 

son-in-law, daughter

grand child, husband, and me

full moon shines on all

 

sun-baked skin darkened

with delight wistfully laughs

at the threat of storms

odd to be happy

with nothing but myself and

the windswept beaches

 

there was a time when

nothing satisfied my wanton

mind.  today’s wind does

 

sprained ankle limits

bodily movement.  spirit

soars with ocean’s crests

 

intermittent sun,

clouds, threat of turbulent storms.

no internal turmoil

 

sandy waves crash the shore

plundering sand castles.  all

is impermanent

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

less is more

expect less, need less,

want less, demand less, use less,

we have all we need

April 6 -One Year, One Day at a Time – No Alcohol for Forty Days and Forty Nights.

I need to take a  break from drinking.  I do not want to have cancer.  I hate how much money it costs to have cancer.  My victim mentality is trying to take over my life.  I will not let that happen.  As much as I loath the fact that I must make decisions about my treatment options, I will do it.  Having said that I know from experience the clearer I am the easier this process will be.  Drinking is no way to cope with cancer.  My old pattern of turning to a glass of wine and then another is up and running and it is my job to shut it down.  So as much as I do not want to do this I am going to put a cork in the bottle for the next 40 days.

Giving up anything for 40 days is a good practice no matter what the circumstances, but I think it will be especially useful for me now because it will eliminate the one thing I use to hide from myself and from reality.  Of course alcohol is a poor substitute for clarity and it certainly does lead to peace of mind.  It’s just a habit so deeply ingrained in me that when times get tough it surfaces and takes over.  What they say in AA is so true.  Drinking alcohol is a slippery slope for someone for me.  I had years of practice using alcoholic beverages to deal with problems.  Alcohol only makes all things worse, but its allure is the false sense of relief you get when you take that first sip.  But one sip is never enough especially when there are big problems.

The sick thing about me turning to alcohol now is that  it has not been a problem for past several months.  A glass or two of wine here and there.  Nothing more.  No compulsion to get intoxicated.  I don’t even like being drunk.  It sucks.  Then why do it now?  Good question, but I do not have the time nor the energy to deal with that line of inquiry.  Who knows why I or anyone else chooses to get intoxicated.  What difference does it make?  Rather than wallowing in the problem I am going straight to the solution. Just stop.  Okay good.  For forty days, April 6 through May 16, I will not consume any alcohol.

I am sure this will make for interesting blogging.  Whatever feelings I’ve been trying to avoid will surely surface sooner or later.  Loving kindness and compassion.  Patience, gratitude, peace of mind and well-being.  I love you Sarla.  I do.  We will get through this.

openess

stay in the middle

between indulging and

repressing dissolve

 

spend some money

ooh just got a big

check need to spend some money

now what do I need

reciprocity

have what you need and

use what you have be wary

of entitlement