January 5 – One Year, One Day at A Time – Fire

I will definitely weigh in at the end of this amazing day, but I had to post now to remind myself and you to keep the internal fires burning.  We are in for a real Arctic blast.  No worries.  Do not hold up in your house.  Get out.  Go to yoga.  Have dinner with a friend.  Do those things in the next few days that bring the light of the Divine into clear view.  Remember that your internal fire burns brighter and hotter than any external heat you can create.  And it’s free.  It does not harm the planet.  Your fire, the light within you is the light of your Soul.  It is a powerful source of limitless energy, but you must tend it.  Do abhyanga daily.  Practice agni sara, uddiyana bandha, and ashwini mudra.   If you do not know what these things are, find out.  Ask your yoga teacher to show you. If he or she does not know, find another teacher.  Take time to sit, be still.  Meditate. Do prana dharana.Wait for the light to appear from within and then bath in its warmth.  Bath in the Light of the Divine Artist in you.

 

My Son Died: The story I have been avoiding

Riding my bike like a bat out of Hell with my mind racing, processing all the emotions flying around my head.  Midtown Yoga, Midtown Yoga, Midtown Yoga.  Then out of know where, He Died. Jordan died.  Write that story, the one that forever changed your life.  And right behind a flashing red light….Do not go there.  Things are hard enough.  What are you crazy?  Yes, no doubt, I am crazy, but I am going to attempt to tell this story. I may have to stop in the middle.  All I can do is try.

January 3, 2010.   I roll over and touch Jimmy.  “I think that was my phone.  did you hear my phone ringing.”  No reply.  Then I heard it.  How could my phone be ringing?  We do not get service here at the Himalayan Institute.  I stumble to the window still, groping for the  eery light.  “Hello.”

“Sarla, this is Leah.  You have to come home right now.”

“Leah, it is the middle of the night and we are sound asleep.  What the Hell is going on?”

“Jordan died.  I mean he died but he is alive now.”

I hear myself cry out and feel my knees buckle as I fall to the floor.

“We are at the hospital.  He is okay now….in a coma.  They do not know what is wrong with him.  He fell out, died at the Blue Monkey Bar.  The bartender did CPR until the medics came.  He died again in the ambulance.  Sarla, you must come home now.  We need you.  We all need you.”

” Jimmy, Jimmy,” I am screaming.  “Get up.  Get up right now.  It’s Jordan.  Leah said he died.  He died.”

“What?”  Rubbing his eyes, Jimmy jumps up and helps me off the floor.

“We have to go home right now.  Go down the hall and get on the computer.  Find out when the next flight leaves.  Any flight.  I call the airlines and am put on hold.  My heart is pounding.  I am praying and saying my mantras.  Please god let him live.  Let him be okay. Finally I get a reservationist.  I explain our situation and beg her to help us.  She puts me on hold and the phone dies.  I am beside myself.  I have to start all over.  I call again.  This time I am crying, sobbing into the phone.  “Please help us.  Help me to get home to my son.  Do not put me on hold.  If you do and the phone dies I will have to start again.  I do not have time.  If we do get cut off, please call me back at 901-270-5373.”

She hears me.  She really hears me.  I do not have a machine at the other end of the line.  I have actually connected with another human being.  I cannot remember all that was said, I only know that she arranged for us to change flights at no charge.  We did have to leave out of Allentown instead of Scranton and the flight was not until 6 am but it was a way home.  “What about the rental car?”  I asked Jimmy.  “We got it in Scranton?”

“We will worry about that later. Pack up and let’s go.”  We sat at the empty Allentown airport for two hours.   I watched the cleaning people come and go.  I practiced my mantra.  I prayed.  I visualized Jordan surrounded by healing white light.

We are boarding the plan and my phone rings.  It is Leah.  “Sarla, they want to put a catheter in Jordan’s heart.  They cannot figure out what is going on.  His heart keeps stopping.  It is a dangerous procedure.”

“No, I cry out.  No.  No damn doctor is going to stick a tub in my son’s heart just because they don’t know what else to do.  They cannot do it without my permission.  Tell them no.”  I barely see the faces of the passengers seated in the aisles as I pass by. I do know they are staring at me.  “We are on the plane now and will be home by noon.  Wait.  Just wait til we get there.”

I have no recollection of the flight to Atlanta.  I do remember getting another call from Leah. “It’s okay.”  she said.  “A resident on duty told the attending doctor to check for Brugata syndrome.  It is some kinda genetic heart condition that causes sudden cardiac death.  They are not going to the catheterization.  When will you be home?”

“Looks like the flight is on time.  Our car is at the airport so as soon as we can get our bags we will head to the hospital.  How are you doing.? Where is Katie?”

“I am exhausted.  We have been here all night.  Katie and Greg are here too.  We called them when we found out.  They were at the Blue Monkey.  We all saw Jordan dead on the floor. She’s pretty shaken up.  They are going to take Jordan to ICU.  Come there when you get here.”

“Oh my god.  Why did you call Katie?  She did not need to see that.  What were you thinking?”  Then I catch myself.  “Sorry.  I am so sorry.  I cannot imagine what you have been through.  I will call you when we land.”

Day 2.  Will finish this either later today or tomorrow.

Take it To The Limit One More Time

Take It to The Limit One More Time

Reflections on Indomitable Will

At the end of a 240 mile plus bike ride through the Finger Lakes of New York State, I was struck by the limitless potential of the human spirit.  A child of 9 and a man of 82 both participated in this amazing ride.  Each time I faced a hill, the summit of which seemed insurmountable, I set an intention, a sankulpa, to ride to the top.  I only walked up 2 out of hundreds of hills.

 Daily, I invoked the protection of the Divine Mother for myself and all those riding.  I used the Navarna mantra given to me by Rajmani Tigunait, the head of the Himalayan Institute.When I experienced moments of fear and self-doubt, I focused on the voice of Rajmani Tigunait from his CD, The Spirit Of The Vedas.  “Do not allow yourself to tumble into darkness.  Keep turning toward the light.”  I did and it worked.

With each strike of the pedal, I practiced steady, controlled breathing, working to breath through my nose and not to pant in and out of my mouth.  I heard the words of my teacher, Rod Stryker, “Do not push your prana out.  Keep your breath smooth, steady, and as quiet as possible.  I rarely ran out of breath.

Until we are challenged, we can never know the depth of our strength, our willpower, our knowledge, our skill and our ability to persevere.  Each time we come to the mat, we meet our individual edge.  We must continue to challenge ourselves, remembering that:

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”
– Mahatma Gandhi