Big Ass Trip

three days til we raft

the Grand Canyon. alert! we

lost a pair of quick dries

Travelers

bald men with ponytails

long-legged girls in ankle

length skirts – sunflowers

oh what a day

up at four riding

high seven-thirty down pool-

side tanning by noon

artificial environment

surround sound TVs

fluorescent lights,  muszac – world

without  sun, trees or grass

be happy – you are traveling

r

 

airport ennui

bitter coffee, sour

faces. dark lonely eye pierce

dull, recycled air

rainy saturday afternoon – One Year, One day at a time – May 17

It is a lazy day.  Maybe I should say, feels lazy but I have been anything but.  I am working on multiple projects at once.

We returned yesterday from a week at the beach with the kids and  the grand baby.  Mmmm.  Funny to think about spending time with adult children going to the same beach we have been visiting every year since they were infants.  Here we are 33 years, later still making  the 9 hour trek from Memphis to Santa Rosa Beach, Seaside to be specific. . . sandy white beaches, navy blue chairs with an umbrella, beach towels, coolers, sand toys, sun glasses, snacks and reading material.  Bring all the same things year after year.  Watching my children grow into maturity, marry, find meaningful employment, have babies and settle down.

All the while marking my aging.  Going from a young woman of 30 to a grandmother of 63.  The visage of the woman I was has evolved into the elder statesman that I am. . . gray headed, wrinkled but youthful, with a little less energy and a lot more wisdom.  I knew when to keep my mouth shut, when to recede from my daughter’s affairs and not to interfere in those of my son and his partner.  All in all the vacation went well.  There were a few temper tantrums.  Poor Katie and Greg carrying  the howling Amelia from the beach back to the house.  What child would not be undone after a full day in the sun and the demands of a pre-dinner photo-op on the too sunny beach?  We all survived and managed to have a delicious last meal together.

Here are a few of the, what I call, Amelia-isms from the trip.

“I wait in line.”  Now that she is potty trained, every trip to the bathroom requires a line with her always going second so she can wait while I go first.

“Tank you.”   (Her way of showing gratitude)

“Pwease,”  said repeatedly when she wanted something she was not getting

“I sit in Gi Gi’s lap.”  We rented a golf cart and everywhere we went she wanted to sit either in my lap or Travis’.  preferably Travis but when he left on Tuesday I became the best seat in the house.

“Best day”  needs no explanation

“Last day”  means yesterday or any preceding day

“You feel better GiGi?”  I sprained my ankle the night before we left.  Every morning the smiling Amelia asked this question followed by

“You go swimming?”

“Sit with me”

“Beesh” for beach

“Tookie” for cookie

There are hundreds but only these few come to mind now.  I would ask Jimmy for more, but he is napping.  It has been raining most of the day and, as I mentioned earlier, we have had a busy day.  We shopped for items we need to take with us when we raft the Grand Canyon in 2 and 1/2 weeks.   I started making what I call a “to go” pile in our spare bedroom. . .  head lamp, Keenes, quick dry pants, tops, capris, and shorts, spare prescription glasses,  swim suits, rain jacket, head band, ankle socks, and more to come.

We  also made a run to Whole Foods.  Jimmy is playing poker tonight so I am planning a girl’s night in.  Me and me and the shows I recorded while we were gone.  Chicago PD and Fire,  Blue Bloods, Law and Order SVU, The Blacklist and The Good Wife.  Whew, that is a lot.  I better get started soon.

I am also reorganizing my closets, separating summer and winter clothes, moving items from closet to closet, weeding out, and pruning back at the same time.  I have so much shit.  Really, I do not wear half the stuff I have because my “stuff” is so spread out that I do not know what I have.  Why do we think we need so much?  How in the world did I accumulate so much “stuff?”  Just last week I took a trunk full of “stuff” to Catholic Charities.  And there is still more stuff.

I am half way through unpacking my suitcase.   Side tracked by my closet, I left a pile of my suitcase “stuff” in the middle of the bedroom floor.  Jimmy is asleep and I did not want to disturb him.

Bought a roasted chicken for my girl’s night in.  I plan to have it with sautéed chard harvested today from our garden, all accompanied by a nice glass of white wine.

Oh, almost forgot, I also made dal, ordered contacts, wrote several haikus, took a bath, read the newspaper, and wrote this entry.

 

riding the waves – no clear picture

florida cloudy,

windy, 100 percent chance of

rain.  still, clear inside

 

wandering quietly

heart responds to every move

my family makes

 

sitting idly alone

wind whipping tropical trees

vicissitudes abound

 

writing set aside

in lieu of time relaxing

emptiness expands

 

profound contentment

accompanies way ward thoughts

wind and waves vary

 

son-in-law, daughter

grand child, husband, and me

full moon shines on all

 

sun-baked skin darkened

with delight wistfully laughs

at the threat of storms

odd to be happy

with nothing but myself and

the windswept beaches

 

there was a time when

nothing satisfied my wanton

mind.  today’s wind does

 

sprained ankle limits

bodily movement.  spirit

soars with ocean’s crests

 

intermittent sun,

clouds, threat of turbulent storms.

no internal turmoil

 

sandy waves crash the shore

plundering sand castles.  all

is impermanent

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

acceptance

stuck in this chair,  my

foot propped up and iced.  the beach

awaits.  time to heal

 

 

life’s little surprises

I am so very grateful for my practice.  Grateful to have the where with all to step back from what is happening and see the humor and fun in it.  We leave tomorrow on our first family vacation in three years . . . both children, their partners, my husband and the grand baby.  We plan to set out at 6:00 AM.  We arranged our trip to be here tonight for the opening of Gypsy, at Playhouse on the Square.  My son, Jordan, is directing and choreographing the show.  I am so excited.   All good, right?  Yes, of course.

Last night, walking from the front door down into our den where there is a step-down, my flip flop slid to the  side of my foot and I went down hard.  Seems I have done something fairly serious to my ankle.  Is it a strain, a sprain or a broken bone?  I do not yet know the answer to that question.  I immediately put arnica all over my left foot, took to Alieve, and iced the ankle for several hours while we entertained guests.  Slept fine.  Woke up once convinced I was going to ruin our vacation, laughed and went back to sleep.

Drinking my morning coffee, sitting across from my husband with my foot propped up in a chair, musing about the timing of my accident.  I could go to a place of complete self-pity, anger, frustration and sadness.  Oddly enough, I am confident that I will manage fine on the trip.  I will not be riding my bike or walking on the beach, but I can sit and watch the waves, play with Amelia in the sand, read, play games, enjoy the company of my wonderful family and make the most of whatever arises, which looks to include rain.

The point very simply is that nothing is ever what we think it will be.  My second round of cancer has taught me  never to expect life to go as planned.  At the same time, I am learning to love each and every moment of this crazy adventure.  Hopefully I will be able to get into see our friend Arsen, who is an orthopedic specialist, this morning.  Until then I will continue to use arnica ointment and do the best I can to get myself organized for our trip tomorrow.   Thank goodness I am all packed.

 

my husband is Jewish

My husband Jimmy is Jewish.  He was born a Jew and practiced reform Judaism as a child and maybe even as a teenager.  At age 10 he went to a Jewish summer camp, Camp Nebagamon.  He does not attend temple now nor does he know the dates of the Jewish holidays.  Neither here nor there, just is what it is.  How did I get started on this?

Oh I remember.  His friend, David Eppstein, is here visiting.  He recently retired and is taking his inaugural road trip, destination not determined, but plenty of places to stop along the way.  So he arrived today and is staying with us on this Easter weekend.  I have told my friends here in Memphis that our Jewish relatives have come for Easter.  Okay Good.  I hear Eppie now giving Jimmy a blow-by-blow of his travels this past week.

Now I like doing this kind of writing.  Writing about something that is happening in the present moment.  Not in the past, not about the future, but a word-photo essay on the present moment.  Eppie talking.  Jimmy listening.  Me writing.  Each here together in this house, but in a deeper sense alone sharing space and time together.  I like it.  I like having people in the house.  I do not have to be in the room with them to enjoy their company.

So back to my husband who is Jewish.  I love my husband.  Pops.  That is what our grand-daughter calls him, Pops.  I love Pops.  My Jewish Pops.  He cannot fix things.  He can’t.  His friend, Eppie, who is here now, can.  He is going to grout our bathroom faucet, hang a towel rack, and tighten the back door handle.  Originally he was planning to stay a week.  I am disappointed that he will only be here 2 days.  If he stayed longer I would have him replace shower curtain rods, and maybe completely remodel our bathroom.  Yeah.  That would be great.

My husband cannot do that, but he makes a damn good cup of coffee.  Love that man.  My Jewish husband who will be canoeing on Easter Sunday while I am eating chocolate bunnies.