Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Sane, soul , soulful, sound mind and body, spirit, immortal – words sprawled on a page, but to what end? Is it not the meaning we attach to a word that gives it power? For instance, catastrophe. I often hear this word in reference to the events of the past year. Whether they be political or personal, labeling any event as catastrophic pretty much seals the deal. Once so labeled, there is little or no room for possibility. Take the definition of catastrophe, a disaster, a calamitous event, especially one occurring suddenly and causing great loss of life, damage, or hardship and lay it over a life event, any life event like the loss of a loved one, a divorce, a diagnosis, a betrayal, an apparent failure and so on and what is left? Bereavement, sorrow, irreconcilable resentment and anger, depression, insurmountable grief, and possibly utter and irreparable despair, (the complete loss or absence of hope.) What is life without hope? How can there be meaning without trust, without destiny, without the Soul? I believe that our sole purpose to is discover The Soul our unique blueprint which was to us given at our conception and lies in wait for us to discover it, choose it and live it into eternity. I find that words like disaster, sanity, catastrophe, and the like impede our Soul’s journey by denying limitless possibilities
I tried for years to adhere to the definition of sanity, (the ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner; sound mental health), with little success. I know now that I am not normal (conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected) nor do I wanted to be labeled as such. I am supernormal, exceptional as are you and you and you. We each have within us the power to choose our destinies. This power is the extension of the soul and is not preoccupied with form. On the contrary its sole purpose is to give us the courage we need to discover our deepest selves. The soul accompanied by its innate power is not interested in making people comfortable. “The soul is who you are in God and who God is in you. We do not make or create our souls. We only awaken them, allow them, and live out of their deepest messages.” (Richard Rohr)
I heard my soul’s voice loud and clear _ “Stop chemo. It is killing me.” I did as I was told. Does this make me sane? Who cares. Certainly not me. I am more concerned with adhering to the urgings of my deepest self than I am to the meanderings of my wayward analytical mind which makes sensible decisions based on available information. You know like protocol, statistics, studies, percentages, and cold, hard facts.
So to paraphrase, I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to luminosity and depth of seeing, to the “light.” May I welcome life on life’s terms and not deny “the wonderful underlying mystery that is everywhere, all the time.” (from Breathing Underwater). Every life event is a call to believe in a power greater than ourselves, to believe in the possibility of miracles, to believe that healing is the byproduct of loving self and others unconditionally.
Thus I came to believe that there are no disaters, no catastophes, no failures, only limitless possiblities to heal. By healing, I mean cultivating the capacity to live out of the clear, simple and uncluttered presence for it is in the present that we encounter The Presence, whether we call it God or not, matters little. What does mattter is whether or not we can learn to let life come to us trusting that God in us, our Soul, has called us, and that God, i.e. The Soul is incapable of failure.
Putting it into words, words that convey the meaning of a state of being beyond description, a place to which few chose to travel, but where many arrive they know not how. A wrinkle in time, compressed by pain and stretched by courage. The overlap of what once was and what would never be again, a salient point – the absolute knowledge that nothing, nothing will ever be as it had been, not good or bad, right or wrong, simply irreversibly different as is, though unnoticed, every moment of every day. No two seconds are the same. Even the vain egoic attempt to take the past and pale it over the future with what one believes to be an indelible imprint is sheer folly. It is absolutely impossible to predict the future let alone control it, cajole it into giving you what you think you want, what you say you must have to survive. What Tomfoolery. However there may be the possibility, in fact I am convinced that there is just that, of living the future now, of taking the bucket list of things you say must happen in order for you to be successful, to be happy, to be inspired….take that list and start checking them off one by one. Do it now. Live as if all your dreams have already come true. If that were the case, how would you feel? Grateful? Gratitude sounds reasonable, does it not? Gratitude is the ultimate state of receivership. Could one’s destiny be directly linked to the amount of time spent practicing gratitude. Destiny is wither a choice or it is fate. Which will it be? I chose the former. Not fighting to change what is, not forcing something from nothing, but standing erect on the ground of this present moment with an eye to a vibrant, adventurous future. I am now living ispired by the shimmer of what is yet to come.
Writing into the Light 