“Everything in moderation, Petty. Everything in moderation.” My grand mother, Momo, shrunken and twisted by a recent stroke, clenches my hand and probes my eyes. “I love you, Momo. I love you so much.” I am thinking, how can she be so kind, so loving, so thoughtful? She must be in such pain. She holds my gaze.
This is the grandmother who worked as an accountant well into her eighties. She did people’s tax returns and kept their books. She knit, crocheted and needle-pointed up until she had the stroke. She came each year for a month-long visit. Everyday at 5:00 pm she put down her needle work and said, “I think it is martini time.” She never had more than one. Today, I believe in and attempt to exemplify my grandmother’s dying words.
“Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.” (St. Augustine)
When I was struggling to overcome my bulimia, I often said, “This would be so much easier if I could just quit eating. People who smoke too much can give up cigarettes completely. The same is true of alcohol. I cannot give up food. I need it to survive. This is so f _ _ king hard.” It was hard, but I did it. Today I eat whatever and whenever I want. I particularly love dark chocolate covered almonds. Ymmm. In treatment, the therapists told me, “You can never, ever eat almonds again. They are a trigger food for you. If you eat them, you will binge and that will throw you right back into your bulimia.” I guess they were wrong.
I do believe that moderation, the ability to make wise choices, depends on the individuals willingness to look at his/her unconscious thoughts, ideas, and patterns and how these things drive behavior. My bulimia and a ten-year abstinence from alcohol forced me into long-term therapy. I attended a week-long inpatient program at Caron in Pennsylvania where I retrieved long-lost memories of sexual abuse. Bulimia is a by-product of such trauma. I learned what drove my over eating and subsequent laxative use. I wanted to stuff painful memories and present to the world someone who was a picture of health, physically and mentally. What a crock!
Yes moderation requires work, but the result is freedom, freedom from fear, freedom to choose, freedom from rigidity and the prison it creates.
If you have a problem with alcohol, food, cigarettes, shopping, gambling and the like, ask for help. Tell someone about your concerns. Ask questions. Do research. Quit the habit for at least 40 days and see what happens. If you cannot quit, get help immediately. Do not be the victim of an out of control habit.
Here is a resource you might find interesting. http://www.moderation.org/whatisMM.shtml. The following are clips from their website.
Why is a Moderation Program needed?
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) and many other independent researchers, there are four times as many problem drinkers as alcoholics in this country. Yet there are very few programs that specifically address the needs of beginning stage problem drinkers, while there are literally thousands of programs for the smaller population who are seriously alcohol dependent.
By the time people reach serious stages of alcohol dependency, changing drinking becomes more difficult, and treatment is usually costly. MM believes that this situation needs to be remedied in the interest of public health and human kindness with early intervention and harm reduction programs. Moderation programs are less costly, shorter in duration, less intensive, and have higher success rates than traditional abstinence-only approaches.
Nine out of ten problem drinkers today actively and purposefully avoid traditional treatment approaches. This is because they know that most traditional programs will label them as “alcoholic”, probably force attendance at 12 step and abstinence based meetings, and prescribe lifetime abstinence as the only acceptable change in drinking.
They may also have real concerns about how their participation in these programs will affect their jobs and ability to attain future medical and life insurance. MM is seen as a less threatening first step, and one that problem drinkers are more likely to attempt before their problems become nearly intractable.
Not surprisingly, approximately 30% of MM members go on to abstinence-based programs. This is consistent with research findings from professional moderation training programs. Traditional approaches that are based on the disease model of alcohol dependence and its reliance on the concept of powerlessness can be particularly counterproductive for women and minorities, who often already feel like victims and powerless.
Outcome studies indicate that professional programs which offer both moderation and abstinence have higher success rates than those that offer abstinence only. Clients tend to self-select the behavior change options which will work best for them.
What is Moderation Management?
Moderation Management (MM) is a behavioral change program and national support group network for people concerned about their drinking and who desire to make positive lifestyle changes. MM empowers individuals to accept personal responsibility for choosing and maintaining their own path, whether moderation or abstinence. MM promotes early self-recognition of risky drinking behavior, when moderate drinking is a more easily achievable goal.
What are the basic premises of MM?
Behaviors can be changed. MM agrees with many professionals and researchers in the field that alcohol abuse, versus dependence, is a learned behavior (habit) for problem drinkers, and not a disease. This approach recognizes that people who drink too much can suffer from varying degrees of alcohol-related problems, ranging from mild to moderate to severe. A reasonable early option for problem drinkers is moderation. Seriously dependent drinkers will probably find a return to moderate drinking a great challenge, but the choice to accept that challenge remains theirs.
Moderation is a reasonable, practical, and attainable recovery goal for many problem drinkers. Outcome studies indicate that brief intervention programs are successful and cost effective.
The Values that guide MM:
Members take personal responsibility for their own recovery from a drinking problem.
People helping people is the strength of the organization.
People who help others to recover also help themselves.
Self-esteem and self-management are essential to recovery.
Members treat each other with respect and dignity.
Writing into the Light 