Be careful what you ask for because you will more than likely get it. Three days ago I committed to be generous beyond all else. As soon as I said it out loud, I was tested. On the way to teach my private lesson on Thursday morning, traffic backed up on Walnut Grove, the route I normally take. As we inched along cars were changing lanes, merging off the expressway and moving to get further to the left trying to speed up. I left the house in plenty of time, but traffic was almost at a stand still. I began to feel agitated, worried that I would be late. Then I remembered my commitment. I eased up and let other cars pull in front of me. Miraculously, I relaxed even felt joyful. As we made our way to my turn off I reflected on the difference I felt when aggression and worry were my priorities and when I noticed, relaxed and let go into generosity. I instantly experienced more spaciousness. Not being self-absorbed was a relief.
You know how you feel when the sun is so hot you can hardly stand being outside. Finding a cool spot becomes an obsession. Pema Chodron, writer and Buddhist nun, recommends a different strategy. Why not lean into the heat, feel it, taste it, notice it, relax and let go. Running from discomfort creates more disease, whereas, softening into any feeling blocks the intensity. Similarly, when there is an eclipse of the sun, sun is still there but it is dark, the air is cool. There is no need to run for cover.
I am grateful for the teachings that call me into consciousness, that make me aware of my tendencies to bolt, to rage, to run when I confronted with discomfort. I am trying to stay put, to feel the feelings, taste the fear, rest in the sadness, touch the anger and relax. Key word here is relax.
I can only imagine what ancient men and women felt and thought when they saw a solar eclipse.
“The sun just went dark. Where did it go? What will we do without the sun. Look there is something covering it. It’s the end of the world.” Of course this is speculation on my part, but the reality is our go to emotion when threatened is fear. What if they had said, “Look there is an object in front of the sun, moving across it. That is incredible. We know so little about nature. We have so much to learn.” Open mindedness, curiosity, a willingness to deeply explore and be with everything that arises, all situations…. that is the way I want to live.
Even on the grayest of days, the sun remains steady in the sky. We need only await its return. Practicing generosity in the face of fear opens our hearts to the present moment, to the needs of others and eases our fight of flight responses. Life is workable. Life is good.
Writing into the Light 